They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
