I don't usually arrange sex via text message
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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