You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
