i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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