Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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