Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
