he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
