Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
