dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
