apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
