He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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