you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
