Screwed.edu
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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