Jerry, you need to find god
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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