I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Two words: blizzard sex
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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