you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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