you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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