Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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