Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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