Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
