Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
try to milk me bitch
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