Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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