my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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