yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
