I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
