Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
