I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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