haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
