What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He felt like a one man threesome
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
