oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
