When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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