he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
