Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
