just come out here and I will go home with you...
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
