Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
