just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Randomize
