she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I checked into jail on foursquare
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
