we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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