Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
