Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
