All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
