proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
