Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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