The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
