Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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