bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
