Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
