Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
