Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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