fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
