I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
That was before I lit my hair on fire
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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