ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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