Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
