You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
