fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
